Saturday, 13 October 2012

From me


I need to
get back in to the
swing of this










Friday, 12 October 2012

Sell your soul



Because they ain't scared of
no unstable cliffs



Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Shell companies


Guess what
It's my birthday soon


This should make me happy


Monday, 9 July 2012

What the threat

I'm fighting the urge to go
running home to my parents


It's pretty much all I want to do


Thursday, 14 June 2012

Chasing


Today I've been having a conversation
with a very dear friend about
mortality and death

I've just found out that my
Grandfather's last relative from home, 
now living in England, has died

Now I feel an inexplicable sense 
of loss for a man I never knew
and a family I will never know


Friday, 1 June 2012

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Power Surge


This evening I've had a phone 
call from my father to say
his most recent blood
tests are back and his
PSA levels have dropped
dramatically


Also, this photo was taken
over a year ago
But I like it
-
Things are good



Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Days like this

Is it a bird,
It is a...
I'll stop you there
Yes it's a bird



Really fun


Okay, so they aren't great
But it's been a while
give me a break alright?









Definitely got lots of pictures
of birdies to follow...



Monday, 21 May 2012

Love in a Elevator


I never thought I'd say this
But I miss Uttoxeter


I want to be there with you


Thursday, 17 May 2012

Remember


Depression is 
merely anger 
without enthusiasm


Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Monday, 14 May 2012

Jaded

Well
it’s been one hell
of a weekend
Apparently
my Dad was recently
looking at properties
for sale in the area
on the interweb
and he came across
one he thought looked
pretty nice
It’s a two bedroom
bungalow with 7 acres
in one of the villages
when he mentioned this
place to my Mum she said

“Yeah, me and Peter
looked at that. We were
going to buy it if you died.”

Morbid much?
Dad’s reaction was
something along the
lines of
“Oh, thanks a bunch.”

Not that he can talk

On Saturday I was in a shop
in town with him and he
was showing me
this wooden box
he had spotted the
previous week
he turns to me and says

“I saw this here last week
and looked at it and thought,
this kind of thing would be
good for storing my ashes
in on the mantelpiece,
before I opened it up
and realised it was a
jewellery box.”

Anyway, on Friday I
went up to the Kings
Treatment Centre up at
the Royal Derby Hospital
the news isn’t great
more surgery this week
but whatchoo gonna do ‘eh?

He’ll be alright really


Monday, 7 May 2012

Grouchy


I want to have barbeques



I want to wear flipflops


I want to drink pimms 


I want it to be summer

xxx


Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Cold Stone


Today I am excited
My beautiful friend
is coming over


and we're going to have a roast
and watch disgustingly girlie films
and it is going to be epic

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Shut up and kiss me


'I'm in lesbians with you'


I don't know that is wrong with me at the moment
I don't seem to be able to stop watching
ridiculously soppy love films
that make me cry
a lot 



It's almost as if I'm turning in
to a person with real
feelings or something

Strange


Friday, 27 April 2012

Flipping


Crying won't help you now


Monday, 23 April 2012

Popcorn, innit

I'm pretty easily confused
and this new layout thing
has pretty much blown my mind

Today has been amusing
Apparently I have
'a way with words'
I've still not figured out 
if this is a good 
thing or not...

I've been annoying the
people I work with by
singing all day

My mum has been 
cracking me up this 
evening
She rang because she
had just read my 
self-pitying post from
a few days ago
and like Grace 
she wanted to tell me 
that I'm not shit
(which is good to know)
and then I guess we
had a little bit of
what could be called 
'a bitching session'
But I enjoyed it
and it made me laugh

It's strange being on my own

Thursday, 19 April 2012

Watch


In response to yesterdays post
I received this text:

"I have just seen your blog and need to categorically tell you that you are not, never have been and never will be shit in any kind of way. Do you hear me Wilde?! YOU ARE NOT SHIT! I'll tell you what's shit; exams, they're shit. And so are negative bank balances. Baking failures are shit, as is lemonade from Morrisons. Totally shit. Shit is shit, it's stinky and sticky and shit. Those things are all shit. You, my dearest friend, are NOT."

This has made my evening
and has made me laugh
more than anything in the
last few months

I love you Grapes

xxx

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Condoms and Mouthwash


Today I am feeling sorry for myself. I'm being totally pathetic and I really just want to bitch slap myself across the face and tell myself to man up, but not even that is working today. I feel like I've been shit recently. I've been a shit daughter, I've been a shit friend.
I've just been shit and I feel ridiculously guilty for that.
I'm in desperate need of a hug, my little brother gives the best hugs ever. I'm so poor I can't afford to go up and get one. I checked it on google maps, and it would only take me 3 days and 6 hours to walk it. I'm considering it as an option. Alternatively, I could walk to my sisters, but that would take 4 days and 2 hours.
Remind me again why I moved so far away?

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Hilair


This has been a pretty epic
long weekend
It's involved watching
a lot of movies
which is ace

-

You wouldn't believe my
flat was spotless
at the start of the week


I feel like this weekend
has been an escape from
reality, which I really
needed, but it's made me
feel a little guilty for
neglecting what's really
going on right now
Now I'm left feeling a
little selfish I guess

-

I've enjoyed making other
people happy though
some people seem to
take themselves too
seriously sometimes
letting go feels so good
and I'm glad I can talk
such utter shit all the time

-

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Hells Bells


I'm pretty sure I have
recently been referred to
as a 'really nice girl'

I like that
It makes me smile
-
Today is a good day
Daddykins is
back home


I need to take some
more pictures
for the wall
-

Monday, 9 April 2012

Stick It.


First things first.
Happy Easter


You know, I didn't get a
single easter egg this year
I guess that's what
growing up is all about

-

I've been going through my camera
and I found these photographs
and they made me happy



It's Joe and Alex
they are both ace
and provided I'm not a
total idiot, if you click
their names it should
take you to their websites

-

I'm not going to lie
I'm currently listening
to this very loud


Some times I think
I am just a little bit
too cool for school

xxx

Thursday, 1 March 2012

In line with inflation

Okay, so the last few posts
have been a little depressing
so just to lighten the mood
here is a photograph of monkeys
taken by Molly, aged 5


Ain't it cute
Everyone needs to visit
the monkey forest
at some point

xxx


Today I've spent the day out with
my dad, walking in dimmingsdale
It was a wonderful day
and the weather was beautiful


The conversation evolved around
two main subject areas:
Camera shutter speeds
and
Surgery vs Radiotherapy
-
All in all it made for a bit of
a mixed afternoon
But it was still enjoyable
-
Today we've been out taking
pictures with my late grandfathers
camera, which my dad is giving to
me as a graduation present
My grandfather died many many
years ago, of the same cancer my
dad has recently been diagnosed with
-
Since the day I was told about my dad
I started wearing my late grandmothers
locket, which she left me in her will
Even though I would probably never
admit this to my dad, today it felt between
the camera and the locket that I was
carrying them around with me
and that made me feel stronger
-
Check me out being all spiritual
Never thought I'd see the day
-

Hang on


I guess it's never a good sign when you get
in to bed at the end of the day
and burst in to tears
I guess I've not been coping as
well as I'd like to think I am
and there seems little point in
trying to talk to anyone external
because they don't say anything of use

-

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Bad ass


From what I've seen during
my brief spells outside today
it looks like it was a really
lovely day


I can't wait for summer

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

I'll let you tear it up

I'm feeling pretty beat
It's like I'm reverting back
to my teenage years
because listening to loud
angry music is helping


So...
My dad has cancer
That's what is going on in
my world at the moment


It's been a weird couple of weeks
travelling back and forth


I think in reality my mum is barely holding
it together, partly because she is
under the impression that
her first born hates her
I've told her that I don't think
that is the case really
but I don't think it helps


Also, I appear to have come a little late
to the whole Salam Pax phenomenon
But I'm reading the Baghdad Blog at
moment and it's amazing


One thing I've discovered about myself
recently is that I hate sorting through photographs
I love taking them, and probably take too many
But I hate having to go through them

Sweetheart, what are you trying to prove?


"Well it's hard to unravel the lies that you weave
when you're spinning in circles of doubt,
it's hard to untangle the wires
that lead to your heart"
- Jim Moray


I think that this is about right.