"I have just seen your blog and need to categorically tell you that you are not, never have been and never will be shit in any kind of way. Do you hear me Wilde?! YOU ARE NOT SHIT! I'll tell you what's shit; exams, they're shit. And so are negative bank balances. Baking failures are shit, as is lemonade from Morrisons. Totally shit. Shit is shit, it's stinky and sticky and shit. Those things are all shit. You, my dearest friend, are NOT."
Today I am feeling sorry for myself. I'm being totally pathetic and I really just want to bitch slap myself across the face and tell myself to man up, but not even that is working today. I feel like I've been shit recently. I've been a shit daughter, I've been a shit friend.
I've just been shit and I feel ridiculously guilty for that.
I'm in desperate need of a hug, my little brother gives the best hugs ever. I'm so poor I can't afford to go up and get one. I checked it on google maps, and it would only take me 3 days and 6 hours to walk it. I'm considering it as an option. Alternatively, I could walk to my sisters, but that would take 4 days and 2 hours.
Today I've spent the day out with my dad, walking in dimmingsdale It was a wonderful day and the weather was beautiful
The conversation evolved around two main subject areas: Camera shutter speeds and Surgery vs Radiotherapy - All in all it made for a bit of a mixed afternoon But it was still enjoyable - Today we've been out taking pictures with my late grandfathers camera, which my dad is giving to me as a graduation present My grandfather died many many years ago, of the same cancer my dad has recently been diagnosed with - Since the day I was told about my dad I started wearing my late grandmothers locket, which she left me in her will Even though I would probably never admit this to my dad, today it felt between the camera and the locket that I was carrying them around with me and that made me feel stronger - Check me out being all spiritual Never thought I'd see the day -
I guess it's never a good sign when you get in to bed at the end of the day and burst in to tears I guess I've not been coping as well as I'd like to think I am and there seems little point in trying to talk to anyone external because they don't say anything of use